everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
