my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
