I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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