"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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