and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
