I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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