who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
