Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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