sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
