i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
