How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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