omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do herpes really smell.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
