Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
