Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
