Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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