So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
