his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
