apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
