Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize