I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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