the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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