another moral hangover. fuck.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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