i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
