Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i drank out of a bidet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
