The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
