i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
