see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
