You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
