you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
