i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just invented taco cereal.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize