is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
