if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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