Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
