At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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