Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
