It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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