yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He felt like a one man threesome
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize