Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
