Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
