he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
