My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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