he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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