margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
