i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
