this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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