I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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