Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
