At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
