between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
