How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
