So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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