I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
