i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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