I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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