***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
