I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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