i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
