Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
