I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
