Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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