A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
