The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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