I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
