Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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