I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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