I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
