He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I could fuck to npr.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize