it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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