Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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