she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
