Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
