We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
