Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
