I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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