I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
