Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
two words: eviction party
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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