4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
