i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
