the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
