I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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