Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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