a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
