someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
