why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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