i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
