oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
