The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
