before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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