you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
