Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
