This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
