Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
