He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
