I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Vodka?
Forever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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