Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
