his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
