so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize