I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
