omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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