I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
