we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
