What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
