made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
