you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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