Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
