she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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