uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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