She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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