My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize
