She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
