the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
