It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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