He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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