I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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